Friday, March 9, 2007

Say It As It Is....

When I started this blog, I did it for a couple of reasons. The first reason was to provide a place for our friends and family members to get updates on our adoption process. They will not have an expanding belly to indicate the impending arrival of a baby. There might be an expanding belly, but it will be because of copious amounts of sitting in front of the computer while I finish the thesis (but that's an entirely different story).

The second reason was so that I could share my thoughts and ideas about the process of adoption. Z and I are not the "typical" adoptive parents that many of my family and friends think of. We haven't tried having biological children, so we don't even know if infertility is an issue for us. To us it doesn't matter - our children are in Ethiopia. And it is our responsibility to bring them home. This is a COMPLETELY foreign idea to many of our friends and family members. Why would we adopt instead of trying to have biological children? Why do we have to do things differently?

The third reason I started this blog was so that I could keep a diary of sorts for myself. This space is a place for me to write about our experience (good or bad). It is something that I will someday print out and keep for our children. When they are old enough to understand they will get the complete "diary". If nothing else, I hope that it will provide them with evidence that we really truly WANTED them in our lives and that we worked hard to get them home.

The experiences I write in this blog are MY experiences. Every adoption story is different. Every adoption agency is different. Every child is different. Some days I will have great news to share; other days I might be frustrated, defeated, and depressed. But, I will always be honest in what I write. I have learned a tremendous amount about the process of adoption (the rollercoaster ride that it is) from other blogs that adoptive parents have written. And I have to admit that I learned the most from the blogs that shared the good, the bad, and the ugly. If another potential adoptive parent learns something from my blog that will help them out in any way (or help them to understand that what they are feeling is normal) then that is an added benefit.

When a woman gets pregnant and announces the new addition to her family and friends, there is no shortage of people who are there to offer support, advice, and encouragement. But, when a couple announces they are adopting there are often very few people in their close circle of friends and family who can relate to this experience and are willing to offer support and advice in a real and tangible way. Sometimes people are supportive and try their best to offer help, but often people don't know what to do, so they do nothing at all. So, instead of getting support and encouragement from their circles of friends and family members, adoptive parents often find their greatest source of advice, support, and encouragement from other adoptive parents. There is an incredible community of adoptive parents online who offer advice for every kind of situation from making the announcement to dealing with attachment issues once the child is home. Right now, I am getting TONS of great advice and support from this community and someday I hope to offer some insight of my own to another newbie.


Deb said...

We too are adopting from Ethiopia. So far, so good. We wish you the best of luck. Our kids will be on the tail end of the family. How fun for your Ethiopian kids to be the firsts! That is wonderful!

Sarah Riedel said...

Chanda & Zack,
Thanks for keeping us updated on how your adoption is going on this blog site. I like to read your entries, they seem so well-thought-out. If there's anything we can do to help out, let us know! Sarah