Friday, April 6, 2007

Feeling Blue...

So, the last couple of days have been some of "those" days. Days when I just feel blue. I feel down, I feel a bit defeated, I feel sad. Mostly I can't explain why I feel this way. Maybe its because the weather went from nice spring-time 70-something degree weather to cold, blustery, 30-something degree weather. Maybe its because I'm PMS-ing. Maybe its because Toby's gone. Maybe its because its a holiday weekend and Z and I have no plans to visit family - just spend time together. Maybe I'm just getting tired of "unknowns". It could be any number or combination of things.

As far as adoption stuff goes, there really isn't anything to report. There may be things happening...there may be big changes to announce...there may be exciting news ahead. But, nothing for sure...and nothing I can really talk about at this point.

For anyone who's curious, Z and I can definitely attest to adoption not being the "easy" way to have kids. Its HARD to adopt. Its hard to explain what's in your heart to someone you don't know and know that you are counting on that person's approval to help you move forward. Its hard to put into words sometimes how and why this option is right for us. Its hard to pull all the documentation together and get ALL the paperwork done. Its hard sometimes to sit and watch adoptive parenting videos. Its hard to sit waiting for approval, knowing you've done everything you can to try to get across that you really are prepared for this big change in your life.

None of this would need to be done if I had just gotten pregnant instead. No one would question why I wanted to have children...no one would question my ability to parent that child...I wouldn't have to fill out tons of paperwork and have it notarized...and there would be lots of people lining up to give advice, offer support, and help out.

But getting pregnant isn't what feels right for us right now. We know we're stepping out in faith a bit. And sometimes that means moving outside our comfort zone. If we weren't committed to this...if we really didn't feel this was right for us, we wouldn't be working so hard to do it. This is not the path of the undecided. Its not the route of the half-committed. Its hard work to do this and if we weren't sure we could do it, we wouldn't. But, we know it is right for us. And we will do everything we can to follow through and get our kids home. In the end, we know that all of this hard work will seem like nothing and we'd do it all over again if we had to. Its just getting to that point that's hard.

5 comments:

Sarah Riedel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sarah Riedel said...

Chanda,
Have you seen the headline in the Star-Trib today? It is about an adoption agency called A New Hope- from many places, I would guess, but this story is about a boy in Kenya. Yours is AHOPE, right? So it has nothing to do with your agency, I hope.

Stacie said...

Wow! I just clicked on your site from the Ethio Adopt Blogroll and I'm so glad I did! I am feeling the same way today - the weather, the PMS thing, the adoption process being hard! I'm so sorry about Toby - we have 3 dogs (I can relate to the late night puking!) and it's always always so hard to lose one. Anyway, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who is having a rough spot in the adoption process. I'm so excited and happy, but I'm longing for them to get home soon!
Thanks for sharing!!
Stacie

Ethiopian Millennium said...

Dear

Once-in-a-thousand-years!

The Committee for the Celebration of the Ethiopian Millennium (CCEM), invites you to come to Washington D.C. to participate in welcoming the Year 2000 of the Ethiopian calendar. A new millennium!

In a few months, Ethiopians and Ethiopian-Americans will celebrate the dawning of a new millennium. It is equally exciting and humbling to find oneself at this juncture of Ethiopian history. It is exciting because we are part of the unique Ethiopian/human civilization since the time of Lucy/Dinqnesh and are coming up to close another millennium. It is also exciting to know that we are the only nation on earth with our own unique calendar and will have another millennium that is intimately ours. Yet again the coming of the third millennium is humbling. It is humbling because although so much has been accomplished in the millennium to pass, Ethiopians face daunting challenges from the onset in the Third Millennium.

Thus, recognizing that the coming New Year is distinct and needs to be accepted with confidence, a committee is organized to celebrate the Year 2000 E.C. The Committee for the Celebration of the Ethiopian Millennium (CCEM) is a registered non-profit organization and comprised of active community members across the United States. The place will be in Washington D.C. from Saturday September 8 – Wednesday September 12, 2007.

At the moment, the CCEM is putting together the necessary thoughts and organizational frameworks to arrange a five-days long festivity and other important social, historical and cultural reflections of the past, present and future ideals of the Ethiopian Millennium. The CCEM expects 50,000 Ethiopians to participate in the five-days event.

As an adaptive parent(s) of an Ethiopian child(ren), CCEM thought that participating in this once-in-a-thousand-year event with your child(ren) will be historical for your entire family. In addition, if you have the desire and capacity to be part of the millennium celebration effort, you can support CCEM with financial donation or solicitation of sponsors. CCEM has a PayPal system in its website or you can mail your check or money order to:
Ethiopian Millennium
1115 U Street N.W
Washington DC, 20009

For more information visit us at www.ethiopianmillennium2000.com or e-mail us at info@ethiopianmillennium2000.com

Thanks
CCEM

Anonymous said...

Dear Parent’s

Once-in-a-thousand-years!

The Committee for the Celebration of the Ethiopian Millennium (CCEM), invites you to come to Washington D.C. to participate in welcoming the Year 2000 of the Ethiopian calendar. A new millennium!

In a few months, Ethiopians and Ethiopian-Americans will celebrate the dawning of a new millennium. It is equally exciting and humbling to find oneself at this juncture of Ethiopian history. It is exciting because we are part of the unique Ethiopian/human civilization since the time of Lucy/Dinqnesh and are coming up to close another millennium. It is also exciting to know that we are the only nation on earth with our own unique calendar and will have another millennium that is intimately ours. Yet again the coming of the third millennium is humbling. It is humbling because although so much has been accomplished in the millennium to pass, Ethiopians face daunting challenges from the onset in the Third Millennium.

Thus, recognizing that the coming New Year is distinct and needs to be accepted with confidence, a committee is organized to celebrate the Year 2000 E.C. The Committee for the Celebration of the Ethiopian Millennium (CCEM) is a registered non-profit organization and comprised of active community members across the United States. The place will be in Washington D.C. from Saturday September 8 – Wednesday September 12, 2007.

At the moment, the CCEM is putting together the necessary thoughts and organizational frameworks to arrange a five-days long festivity and other important social, historical and cultural reflections of the past, present and future ideals of the Ethiopian Millennium. The CCEM expects 50,000 Ethiopians to participate in the five-days event.

As an adaptive parent(s) of an Ethiopian child(ren), CCEM thought that participating in this once-in-a-thousand-year event with your child(ren) will be historical for your entire family. In addition, if you have the desire and capacity to be part of the millennium celebration effort, you can support CCEM with financial donation or solicitation of sponsors. CCEM has a PayPal system in its website or you can mail your check or money order to:
Ethiopian Millennium
1115 U Street N.W
Washington DC, 20009

For more information visit us at www.ethiopianmillennium2000.com or e-mail us at info@ethiopianmillennium2000.com

Thanks
CCEM