Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Sorry to my bloggy friends...

Have you all missed me??

Its been a while since I posted, so I figured that I better write another post before I become one of those bloggers that falls off the face of cyberspace! Part of the reason I haven't written is because I simply have been busy. I'm working on thesis stuff...I had a friend visit last weekend (thanks Jen for visiting - I had a very fabulous time!)....I have guests visiting this coming weekend....and Z has been gone for the past week (and will be gone for another week). As much as I like to tease him that I am the one who keeps this household going, he really does a lot around here, too...and now I'm stuck with all of it (including frantic clean-ups before visitors come)!

The last couple of days have been tough days in the world. I know that I really should limit my news-intake. People told me this while Z was in Iraq, too. "Just turn off NPR..." "Just turn off CNN..." Yeah...I know I should, but I'm a news junkie, and I always have been. I HAVE to know what's going on. Information is my drug of choice...sometimes it makes me feel good...and sometimes it leaves me feeling empty and sorrowful; wishing I hadn't kept the news source on for that last half-hour. The last two days have been that way for me. When I eat breakfast in the morning, I like to watch CNN - its like my equivalent of reading the paper over coffee in the morning. Today, they broke into coverage about the Virginia Tech shooting to announce that 127 people had been killed in Baghdad bombings. Death on top of death.

The world seems full of death and sadness these days. My life continues to go on despite the fact that my country is fighting in two wars, a genocide is occuring, and another college campus is mourning the loss of students. Of course, it is easy for me to jump back to the days when Z was in the midst of the fighting and when every morsel of information from Iraq was painstakingly analyzed in my mind. Even now, there is a fear that lives in the background of my life that reminds me that I may someday be back in that position (with Z gone to fight once again). I HATE admitting that. But its true...the fear will not ever leave until the war is over. And I consider myself one of the lucky army wives.

All of the death, violence, and sadness in this world only confirms our decision to adopt. Some days it is hard to imagine moving forward. Some days it is hard to understand why we would bring new lives into the world when so many around the world are dying. Some days its hard to think about real life in other parts of the world while I'm sitting at home on a comfy couch, sipping coffee, and reading blogs on my laptop. In a lot of ways I feel a sense of responsibility to help take care of the lives who are already here on this earth. To make sure that the people alive today have the chances and the opportunities they deserve. Z and I want kids, we want to be parents....but we don't care so much about whether or not they are biologically related to us, whether they are black or white, whether they have good teeth or bad teeth, or whether they want to play football or soccer (or read a good book).

Maybe someday we'll want to have biological kids (I'm sure my mom will hang on to that maybe), but maybe we won't. For us, we know there are lots of kids who need/want what we have to offer and as long as adoption is a path that's open to us and feels right, that is how we will build our family.

In adoption news...there ARE things happening. Our homestudy is in the stage of finalization...things are moving forward and there is a potential that big news is on the way! I am so excited about the news I have to share, but for right now, you are all going to have to wait a little longer...When I know more and when things are more "official" I will most certainly be sharing!


Rae said...

I did miss you Chanda! :) I can't wait to hear your big news! Wahoo!


Jennifer said...

I HAVE missed you and am glad you're back! :)

- Jennifer