This week has been a tough week for me, no question. When the week started we had such high hopes of heading to court today (Friday) and leaving court with a final adoption decree. Instead, we got news that we would not be heading to court this week at all. Additionally, there have been new steps implemented in the Ghanaian adoption process (good steps, meant to protect the children), which mean that there will be delays in our case (and all the Ghanaian adoption cases). So, we don't know when court will happen now.
This week I had my first punch-me-in-the-gut realization that our boys may not be here for Christmas. It was so very painful for me to realize this as Christmas has been in my mind as our deadline since we started the process in January. I hate that I have reached this point, but at the same time I needed to. I need to prepare myself emotionally for spending this Christmas without them. If I don't and they are not here, then I will just make myself (and those around me) miserable. I don't want to do that. On the other hand, if I make myself prepared for them not to be here and by some miracle we manage to get our case to court and we get the Ghanaian government and the US government (immigration) all on the same page in time for them to be home for Christmas, then it will be a joyful one indeed!
This week we also realized that we have known about our boys for 6 months now. Our referral has been official for a little more than 3 months, but it has been 6 months since we learned about the boys and first saw their faces. No wonder I am so ready to have them home! They've been living in my heart for half a year already!
I spend most of my time on this blog blabbing away about MY experience with adoption. After all, MY experience is the only one that I am really familiar with. Its the only perspective that I have. However, I've been thinking a lot about our boys' experiences, too. I have no idea how well they will adjust to leaving Ghana and coming home with us. I don't know if they will accept us willingly, or if they will leave kicking and screaming. These two little boys have already been through so much in their lives. When we received the backround information on the boys my heart broke for them. Every orphan has a sad story...they all have lived through things that no kid should have to experience. But this story was my boys' story. Suddenly this background information took on a whole new meaning.
Everytime I think about it I want to hop on a plane and run to them to tell them "Its going to be ok. You have a mommy and a daddy now. And we love you. You have nice soft beds at home to sleep in. There is a lot of food in our pantry and in our fridge; you won't have to go hungry again. You will have lots of toys to play with and books to read; you don't need to take care of yourself anymore - you have us." But, I can't. I have to wait and hope that they are beginning to understand that those pictures we sent to them are pictures of real people who love them and miss them fiercely.
Its true...we miss them. These two little boys that we've never met.