Friday, December 14, 2007

Living Dangerously

I'm actually a little afraid to put these thoughts into I'm going to jinx myself and what I'm hoping for won't come true. But, in all honesty, you all already know what I am hoping for, so this won't come as a surprise!

The truth is...I'm really, really, really hoping that the boys are able to come home with Z. In fact, it is getting to the point where I am almost counting on them coming home with Z. It isn't because I don't want to travel, because I do. I want to experience Ghana, I want to meet the boys birth family members (if they want to meet me), I want to thank the staff at Eban House for taking such great care of the boys and for loving them while I couldn't, I want to eat interesting Ghanaian food, I want to breathe the air, smell the smells, and buy some beautiful Ghanaian fabrics. I want to meet the boys on their own turf; hold their hands as they show me their beds and give me the tour of Eban House. I want to give them hugs and kisses and let them get to know me when they aren't completely overwhelmed with everything else that is different. I want to talk to their teacher and orphanage director to find out what their schedules are like and what their favorite foods (and least favorite foods) are.

But, the truth is, I just want them to come home. Me traveling to bring them home means that we have to wait even longer for them to get here. Eban House is a nice place and as far as orphanages go, its a pretty great place. But, it isn't a home. It isn't a family. If I'm not there to do the things I wanted to do, I know that Z will do a perfectly good job of it for me. And I know that a first meeting at the airport could be just as sweet. I won't be able to soak in Ghana, but I can soak in my boys instead...and I can do it without jet-lag and without worrying about our house or our precious pets at home. If I can't travel I can do everything I can at home to get things ready for them. I can finish up their room to make it comfortable and homey...I can clean and clean and clean so that I won't have to worry about dealing with a messy house and getting to know the boys at the same time....I can cook and freeze food so we'll have plenty of dinners that are ready to pop in the oven...and I can finish up the quilts for the boys that I've been planning to do for the last few months.

When we first hatched this plan of Z traveling to file the last bit of paperwork, it seemed like a complete long-shot that the boys could come home with him. But, as every day passes I am becoming more and more hopeful that this possibility could come true. A family that is in Ghana now got I-600 approval in a matter of just 3 business days. This is a huge source of encouragement!

But, there's a downside to this hope, too. I know that becoming this hopeful and getting ready for the boys to come home with Z means that if they can't come home on this trip I will be disappointed. We will then have to wait a few more weeks to bring the boys home....and we will have to spend more money for another trip to Ghana (and we are already stretched pretty thin as it is).

I know that I am not the one in control of how things will go and when the boys will come home. But, I know that it will all work out the way it is supposed to. I just have to be patient and wait.


Megan said...

I love reading your blog! I know just how you feel about this last part of the waiting being the most difficult. We will be praying that the I-600 will be processed quickly and the boys can come home sooner than you imagined. We'll also be praying for patience as you wait on God's perfect timing to bring the boys home.

Sarah Riedel said...

Praying for you and your FAMILY for good news or patience, whichever will be needed......... Your waiting is not unlike the last month of pregnancy!