Thursday, February 12, 2009

Feeling Attacked

I have to be totally honest here and preface this post by saying that I generally don't believe in the "Satan is attacking me because I'm doing something that God wants me to do" statements. I've heard lots of people say (or write) things like that and my usual response is that people just feel attacked because there is simply a coincidence between choosing to follow what you feel is God's plan for your life and the "bad stuff" that's happening. Bad stuff happens all the time.

When we first heard about Twinkie, we weren't sure we could pursue his adoption. We certainly wanted to, but we didn't know how we'd ever afford to do it. It was't until we heard a certain piece of information about him, I got a new job, and we were able to purchase a new house that we finally felt like enough things had come together (all within a week's time) that we were being directed to pursue Twinkie's adoption. It wasn't just about what we wanted anymore...it was about what we were SUPPOSED to do. So even though we didn't know how we'd afford it all, we stepped out in faith.

These days, though...the path is looking ragged...the directions are unclear...and the uncertainty is looming. Did we take a wrong turn?

There have been developments in Ghana that make Twinkie's ability to be adopted uncertain. We've been hit with unexpected expenses (that add up quickly and totally cut into any extra money we might have been able to set aside for the adoption). We've discovered bats in our cute little house (yuck-o), I just spent a crazy amount of money taking my beloved Paka (cat) to the veterinarian, and the attorney fees for the readoption of our boys in our state cost twice what we were expecting. Not to mention other expenses that are unavoidable when you move into a new place.

We're just feeling overwhelmed at the moment. I feel like a big old log has been put right in front of our path...and now we have to spend time figuring out if the log can be pushed out of the way, whether we can climb over it, whether it needs to be chopped up into little pieces and moved, or whether it means we simply have to turn back and find a new path.

I still don't know if I believe whether or not all of this "bad stuff" is stuff that Satan is throwing at us because we're on a path to do something great. Its all just bad stuff...and it probably would have happened regardless of Twinkie's existence (well, except for the Twinkie-related news in Ghana). But, man! Now I totally understand how people could feel that way!

6 comments:

Kristin Jag said...

I will be praying for you Chanda! I am sorry to hear about all the bumps in the road that have led to discouragement-that stinks! You and Twinkie will be in my prayers!

A. Gillispie said...

Praying for you my friend. I am one of those people who feels like satan can attack when we are doing something that makes God happy. Of course, sometimes bad stuff happens just because we live in a fallen world and that's how it is! Whatever the reason, I hope that the next few weeks even out, that you feel God's hand in your life in a very tangible way, and that everything will be resolved with Twinkie.

Love ya,
A

Leslie said...

I'm praying for you guys and Twinkie.

Jen said...

I am so sorry for all you are going through. I hope all will work out. Adoption can be so hard emotionally anyway so I can imagine that what you are going through is even harder with Twinkie's connection to the boys. You are all in my prayers...

Hugs,
Jennine

Heather A. said...

I hate that things are so difficult for you right now. There's really nothing to say to make it easier, but please know that we are praying for you, praying that Twinkie joins his brothers and that things settle back into normal again. Hugs & love coming your way.

Heather A

Amy said...

Chanda,

I'm so sorry about all of this. Your heart must be in such turmoil. We'll be praying for you and lil' Twinkie.

Fabu