Ok...I'm going to put it out there. I've been having this internal dialogue with myself and I just need to get a part of it out here. Partly to vent...and partly because I'm hoping someone will have some advice...some insight for me about this.
We've come to learn about a beautiful little girl in Ghana who needs a mommy and daddy. Her situation is a bit special...so the adoption process could be longer and more complicated than "normal"...maybe. This particular little girl has the potential to have more "issues" than we would have normally said we were willing or able to handle. I won't go in to detail about what those issues are...but let's just say this little girl had a VERY rough start to her life.
She is young (just barely a year old now), and normally I would have thought that Z would say "no way!" just based on that. He's never been interested in having little babies or young toddlers around. He doesn't have a lot of experience with them...so he thinks he's bad at it...plus he says you can't reason with them! LOL! He's always been of the opinion that we should adopt children who are a little older (like 4-6 years old).
But...it turns out that Z is especially taken with this little girl. He is the one who has urged me to get more information about her. And the more we learn about her, the stronger the pull.
I feel the pull, too...but I also feel a bit of fear about the unknown. What if her health (mental or physical) is more complicated than we are prepared to handle?
Should she be in a family who has a stay-at-home parent? If she comes here, she'll have to be in daycare during the schoolyear. Is that fair to her? Could we be the best possible parents for her, even if she has to be in daycare during the schoolyear?
I've told only a very, very few people about this little girl. Each one of them, during some point in the conversation has said "you have to think about the boys that you already have". Ok...what I'm about to write is in no way meant to make those people feel bad, but...How could we NOT think about the boys we have?!? Of course we take the boys into account when we think about the direction our family is taking. And I know they mean well. I know that they mean "are you sure you are going to have time to give the boys what they need and care for a child who might have some special needs?" I get that. I do. Adding any child to our family will take away a certain amount of time from the boys...granted she might have more intense needs than the "average" kiddo. But isn't it also possible that having a child like her in our family might actually enrich the boys' lives in immeasurable ways?
How do you KNOW that you are on the right path? I thought we were on the right path with our last situation and that ended badly. I don't want to go down the wrong path again - its too hurtful. But I don't want my fear to get in the way of us going down the right path, either. If its the right path.
How do you KNOW that you are on the right path??
So please...come out of lurkdome and share your thoughts.
Share your experiences with following a path that lead you into the unknown. Share stories about adopting special needs kids. Share the good stuff...share the bad stuff.
I could use all the help I can get!