If you remember WAY back to January, you know that our process to adopt again officially began somewhere around there. We dutifully started our homestudy and we got ALMOST done when things started falling apart.
So we stopped.
And we waited.
And we prayed.
And we thought about things.
And we kept right on thinking and praying until we felt ready to make the decision.
Then we decided.
And we had to pick up that homestudy right where it was and finish it up.
So last week, we started working on that 10 hours of adoption training that was necessary to complete our homestudy. The training that we chose to do was a DVD series by Bryan Post. The series is great...and we got a lot out of it (things that we can definitely use in our understanding of the boys). But one of the things that stood out to me a few days after completing the series, was that Bryan Post reminded me that there are only 2 emotions.
Love and Fear.
That's it. Those two emotions rule our lives. All of our behavior, in one way or another, stems from these two emotions.
One of the things that has brought this home to me lately is the reaction that friends and family members have to another adoption. Now I'm not talking specifically about ONLY my family. I've noticed during my time hanging out in the adoption community that my family is not the only family that struggles with our news. My family isn't the only family that lets fear dominate their reactions. My family isn't the only family that has a lukewarm reception (or a downright cold reception, in some instances).
Families are tough nuts to crack sometimes. As the person announcing your adoption-in-process, you want nothing more than your family to jump up and down with excitement. You want them to ask you what you need and for the crafty ones in the family to start knitting or sewing for your new little one. You want them to ask questions about how the process is going and to show some genuine excitment when things are moving forward (or genuine disappointment when things don't go as quickly or smoothly as you'd hoped). You want your family to play an active part in the process...just as they would if you had announced a pregnancy.
But all too often, this isn't the case.
Instead you hear stories of families who ask ridiculous questions like "will the child be sick and diseased?" or "Do you realize they have HIV in that country?" or "Why don't you adopt from country X (where there are white children) instead of from country Y (in Africa)?" or "Why don't you want kids of YOUR OWN?"
Family members will often site lots of reasons why adoption is bad...or they'll tell adoption horror stories (that may or may not have any truth to them at all) that they've heard from a friend of a friend of a friend. They'll give a cool reception to the adoptive parent's faces, and then talk about how bad the decision is behind their backs. They'll wonder how on earth you could afford to spend thousands of dollars on an adoption process when you drive a beat-up old mini-van and have stained carpets in your living room. They'll wonder how you could possibly handle one more person in your home, when you're already busy handling the ones you have.
They'll think of a million reasons NOT to support you. They react in fear.
When all they really need is ONE reason TO support you.
They LOVE you.
One reason is all they need. But instead, they let fear override them...and you, the adoptive parent, have to suffer the consequences of their fear.
Its sad, right?