Wednesday, July 29, 2009

THAT Place

I'm in THAT place. Emotionally speaking.

The place where I'd rather blog about crafting projects and other random websites than to spend time posting about the reason I have this blog in the first place(adoption-related news). I'm just in a painful place as far as adoption goes.

I am very excited about adding child #3 to our family. Really! I am!

But at the same time, this adoption process feels like its been going on FOREVER. On paper, we only became "referral ready" a couple of weeks ago. We've had so many stops and starts. So many ups...followed by very low downs. The fact that we've already had such a crazy roller-coaster ride and we're *only* to the point of "waiting for a referral" makes the road ahead seem very daunting.

We started thinking/praying/planning for this process over a year ago now (with a particular child in mind). Other families who started the process long after us are bringing children home...while we are just now starting to wait to find out who our child is.

It stinks, in so many eloquent words.

I don't want to be in this place. I don't want to wonder why our path turned out to be so painful and convoluted. I don't want to be the person who feels a tinge of jealousy when I hear about other families getting referrals and other children coming home. I want to be the person who can stand on the sidelines and cheer like crazy for every child who finds his/her forever family...even if I have to wait months and months and months.

But the truth is, this process is HARD. Waiting is HARD. And I'm not a perfectly patient person. I know that this is all adding to my character (as my mom would say). And at the end of the process, all of the pain will wash away. Our child is out there. There IS good news in our future.

But in the meantime, you (my faithful readers) might have to put up with some pretty pointless, boring posts. I'm just not sure I'm up to putting it all out there...not when I'm still working through the "stuff" myself.


Kristin Jag said...

Ughh...I hear you and I can totally understand. You feel what you need to feel and all of us blogger friends can be lifting you up in our thoughts and prayers!

Anonymous said...

Oh, I know the feeling. Adoption frustration and waiting is HARD, you're right. And you've had a rough road. It's ok to have these bad times!

Heather A. said...

It's painful when you think it's going to be an easy, quick process and it turns into a long, drawn out, uphill battle. I'm right there with you. And it feels so icky when people you haven't seen in awhile want to know how the adoption process is going. Explaining is the worst!

Oh, and the jealous feelings, when you *know* you SHOULD feel thrilled for someone else, but you just can't get over the "when is it going to be MY turn" feeling. And then the guilt comes because you know that seems selfish, but darn it, it's just been SUCH a long process when others are flying through the process.

Ok, sorry for my own little rant there. Hugs to you girlfriend. Bring on the crafting posts!

A. Gillispie said...

I'm so sorry darlin'. I know you know it will all be worth it, but minute to minute this process can totally suck. Honestly, suck eggs! I'm one of those people who have had a really fast process and I still have such discouraging days....jealous days (because you know, there is always going to be a family going faster)...just crappy days. I got good news today, and then tonight the winds in my sail were totally deflated to the point of me crying with frustrating. I just want my baby home. You want your baby home. I think I'll slap the next person that talks about adoption as an "easy" thing! Okay, maybe not. But I will want to! If I feel this way after only 5 months in the process I can imagine how SICK of the process you are already! Thank God for the good days that get us through the bad days.

Amy said...

Sending you lots of hugs and prayers. There is no doubt that the adoption process is beyond comprehension for those that haven't been through it. It is tough... And yours has been particularly long and painful Chanda. You'd have to be a saint to not have had a lot of the feeling you've had. They are sooooo normal for this experience.

Thinking of you and hoping that things start moving along for you very, very soon! ;)


We are Grateful!!! said...

Hi! Love your blog. Your family is beautiful too! So glad to meet you via the forum. Your in good company. :) Blessings to you and your journey! Tami
PS. BTW I like "boring" posts (i.e. knitting, quilting, cooking...I live vicariously through them :) Post away!

Amy said...

Chanda - I was so close to having a temper tantrum this morning!! Your post made me feel much better. I'm feeling it with you. I don't know all of the details of your story but we've been waiting for a referral since March and I'm ready to know something. Pressing on with you - Amy F.