Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Who am I anyway?

Before I had kids, I used to get a little annoyed by the fact that my friends (who happened to be parents) only seemed to talk about their kids when we got together. I wondered why they didn't have anything more to talk about than the fact that kid #1 was coloring pictures all by himself and kid #2 was learning to walk.

Two years into this parenting journey and I now completely understand how easy it is to lose yourself in your kids. These days I don't have much more to talk about than my kids either. Somehow I've gotten lost in the sea of masterful works of art brought home in the boys' back packs. My identity has been glossed over by boys who love basketball, drawing pictures on big paper, and playing "band camp" in their room. My days are filled with laundry, cooking, cleaning, and breaking up arguments over toys (not to mention working).

This isn't necessarily to say that getting lost in your children is a bad thing. Kids are only young once, and you have to soak it up while you can. But I miss knowing who I am. I miss feeling passionate about things. I miss feeling like ME.

So I'm planning a change. One of my great loves is the love of fabric. I love the feel of fabric in my hands. I love putting fabrics together to make something interesting. I love quilting. But I haven't made time to do it much since the boys came home. I have a pretty substantial "stash" of fabric. I even have a sewing room. I'm going to start the change by making more time for me to quilt.

And I'm splurging. BIG TIME. On a new sewing machine. The machine I have is great for piecing the tops of quilts...but once I get that done, I'm kind of stuck. I can finish small quilts, but not larger ones (unless I tie them). After lots of research, I've discovered a relatively affordable machine that will allow me to finish more (and larger) projects. To top it off, I discovered that our local quilt shop carries that very machine. And they had 1 used machine. So I'm getting a GREAT deal on a new (to me) quilting machine (and frame to put it on). It is still a HUGE splurge for me. Its still a lot of money.

Z has said over and over that I should get it. But it has taken me a long time to feel like its ok for me to spend this much money on something that's just for me. However, I've come to the realization that it isn't just a splurge for me. Its an investment in my sanity. Its an investment in my passion. Its an investment in ME.

And that's worth it.

I've spent too much time and too much energy in the last year being unhappy. Being sad about why the journey to child #3 was taking us down such an unfortunate path.

We're done with that.

I'm done with that.

We're moving on.

We're bringing back the happy around here.

And I'm excited.

I may even set goals for projects. And give myself deadlines.

Stay tuned to my other blog
. Changes are comin'.


Heather A. said...

I'm excited for you! You deserve something for yourself every once in a while. Plus you make such beautiful things. I can't wait to see the wonderful creations in the making. I'm a little jealous though. I had to dumpster dive my sewing machine!

On another note, perhaps I've seen too many teen movies, but as soon as I read "band camp", my mind shot to American Pie.

zbert said...

We're getting that machine tonight! It'll be great for you to be able to express yourself through your art!!